Sex- From a woman’s perspective- what we need and how we are all different/unique.
Yes, this is written from one woman, through her experience talking to other woman, asking the questions, going to sex-positive events and through personal experience.
What we, as heterosexual woman, need is:
1) To be heard
a. Not just listen, not to fix or advise, but to really hear what we are saying actively.
b. Once and a while throw back a line we just said, to let us know you are actually grasping what we are putting down.
c. Hold that space! Holding space for our sexy, wild, emotional self is a big thing and we are being vulnerable to you.
a. “Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts and pains of another. “- Wikipedia
b. Compassion is the ability to understand what people are going through and have want to help them, in their way.
a. Not to be confused with sympathy, which is basically not going to that person’s level but excusing it and saying something about themselves instead or trying to deny that persons state. Empathy is understanding, allowing and saying “wow that really sucks” instead of “well you didn’t need them or at least you have food”, joining them at their level of understanding and allowing their right to be scene, heard and understood.
b. Empathy is our ability to understand the other person's perspective and feelings.
a. UMMMMMM yup! Touch me and touch me lots. It could be a simple glide of the back, soft kisses all over, rubbing some feet, to oil massage and sexy music to go with it.
b. Touch doesn’t mean sexual touch all the time, sometimes all we need is a deep hug to reconnect.
5) To be wanted/praised
a. Well this one is controversial, yes I know we don’t “need” praise and we are whole and complete but isn’t it nice when we are seen in our essence and told about it? I know I like the occasional “nice shoes”, “Nice hair” “love your personality”, “Keep up the good work”.
a. Be honest and open with one another. If you are seeing other people, you better be telling me, so I can assess if I’m ok with it.
b. If you say one thing and act another, you think it's unnoticed. It's not, we notice, we have killer intuition and will find out.
c. I’d rather you tell me something mean then a lie. I’d rather get hurt now and deal with it then tell me a lie and find out later the ‘real story’ which will hurt a lot worse.
a. To respect my yes as much as my no. Even if we are in a relationship, respect my no, as I will respect yours. Do not push on what is not wanted. Admire their desires, this does not mean you have to do them but allow the flow of communication to express them.
“The only way to live free, the only way to live your life as an offering of love, is to feel everything fully and live open.” ~ David Deida
Key thing to understand is show up, listen, and get that space comfortable. Then she can tar down any unnecessary thoughts, concerns or walls that might be present or her not to fully embrace her femininity and surrender into your masculine.
Here are the little things that can go far. There is no “playbook”. There is no end all be all for all woman. There are common traits, but we are all individually unique, as are men (heterosexual). I hope you enjoyed this segment and got some new or recurring information on what heterosexual woman might need to feel open and in her feline goodness power to go into her sexual bliss!