OOOoohLALA! Let’s talk about the various juicy kinds of fantasies, what they look like, how to voice your fantasies and when do they become a real problem.
Fantasies are a normal part of life. They can be fun, entertaining and exploratory for a little spark. How we respond to them is key and we can either act them out consensually or leave them as is because fantasies are just that, fantasies.
Different kinds of fantasies:
Fantasies can range from sexual, emotional, or just visualizing that future job or career you want!
Sexual fantasy: This ranges from mundane to bizarre. This is where you can envision making out with that guy who you just saw, having a furry party or making a full-on story that goes along with your rape fantasy- all while both parties are in consent. Yet again, this is a fantasy, a visualization of something that doesn’t necessarily needs to be acted out. That being said, you may want to tip your toe into some of these fantasies and ask your partner if they are game to try some of these desires.
Dreamlike fantasy: Basically, this refers to you envisioning something you are looking forward to, want to happen or daydreaming about. For instance, having your house magically cleaned or going on a vacation. These types of fantasies are usually envisioning something to be more relaxed in your everyday life.
Career fantasy: This involves things such as a promotion you want or you think about or a career that could change your life.
Fairy tale type fantasy: Basically, what it says, having that “fairy tale” type of ending. No fighting, easy, having everything worked out and not worrying about money at all. Being with that tall dark and handsome type of person who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally perfect for you. As you ride off into the sunset living happily ever after.
For the sense and purpose of this, I am going to drive more into Sexual Fantasies, as this is a more popular choice in the wording fantasy.
Some common Types of Sexual Fantasy:
Sexual Fantasies can be momentary or recurring, spontaneous or controlled. They can range from a person, objects, or things.
Kink: This is used in regards of objects or situations that are out of the norm. Which can also describe sexual activities, preferences, and orientations. (BDSM, role-playing, polyem.)
Fetish: Again, refers to objects or situations that someone finds erotic, however, they use this or NEED this to get sexual stimulation. (Feet, Sex in public)
In simpler terms, the difference becomes apparent when someone likes to (kink) do something versus needing to (Fetish) do something in order to get sexual stimulation.
Here is a list of common items and themes:
· Power dynamic
· Dominate and submissive
· Furry play or pup play
· Bondage, such as ropes
· Handcuffs, spreaders, rings, plugs
· Flogging, paddling, whips
· Sex toys
· Same-sex play
· Electrical play
How do I talk to my ‘other’ about what I Fantasize about?
This is hard for some, the one key thing to know is we all fantasize and it’s normal. From there, you can start a discussion if you want to just express what your desires, needs and fantasies are and just try to comprehend and discuss them. Listen, listen, and listen. That’s it! Then ask about their own. Remember this is each of you being vulnerable and there is no need to put down or judge their fantasies, as we are only talking, not doing. Go slow.
If you want more direction on how to communicate your desires Click HERE
Next, if there is something you actually want to try, ask away. Lead with “this is hard for me to talk about, and I would love your support even if it’s a no go.” Then continue to ask if they have space to chat around some exploration ideas. From there (if they did have time) continue to voice out a kink or fetish fantasy you may have. Thank each other for being open and maybe explore variations on what you’re ok with. You may be surprised what information you find out about each other and ways to possibly explore if consent is mutual.
So how do you explore in a safe way?
Communicate what your ok-s and not ok-s are and what the verbal/non-verbal cue to stop is. Since consent is key, if one person isn’t on board it’s a no go. Period.
Below are the Kink community’s consent variations to go by:
Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)
Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)
Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)
Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution (The 4 C’s)
From there you can explore and maybe have lots of conversations prior to even the go-ahead, or even just talking about it you may find out that that is all you really wanted and needed.
When does it become unhealthy?
When Fantasies become a problem, with anything really, is when they take over your life in a way that makes it hard to do day to day things.
Happy exploration, play safe, play consensually.