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Pill no more

~What being on the pill for over 10 years made me realize once off~

Since I was 16 years old I was on the pill. I was still growing still, not knowing or understanding of much. I only knew what I knew at the time and Internet wasn’t even an option. I could only take in what the doctors told me and what others have as well. “This will help with your acne, your heavy flow, and be used as a birth control”. I was amazed all these things all in a pill, I needed, wanted and took this tiny little pill for over 10 years. Yes, it did help with my heavy flow, it helped as a birth control use and kind of helped with my acne or so I thought at the time.

I now know that it was only regulating, pushing down everything or numbing as you will, my emotions, my intuition, my ability to know myself, my body and understand that my acne was and still is hormonal.

I suddenly went off the pill, as well as other things such as caffeine, sugar, carbs and red meat (which I will talk about another time). I felt as if I was understanding my body again. Feeling my body as if I was learning myself all over again. I had needs, healing energy, desires, cramps and a cycle that started following with the moon. My moon time was now a sacred time and I needed to know more. I started to go into investigation mode as I do when I don’t know something. I was curious what was happening to me, I was alive, I was full of emotions, full of essence and sexuality. I actually wanted sensual touch, sex, intimacy, connection more now than ever before.

This tiny pill was making me dormant as a woman for so long. Now my breasts would get tender before my moon time now. I would crave food, I would be loving and cuddly on my period and want to cocoon myself in a nest. Not because I was down but because this felt great, fluffy, warm and I was enjoying my time now. I would get irritable a week before my period and if it was a full moon as well, watch out! The shifts were strong and my awareness wasn’t at its peak at this time to understand, until I started tracking. I tracked my moods, I tracked my cycle, my cravings, my sex, my orgasms, my ability to concentrate and more.  

I realized my healing power, my ability to understand my body and nature, which was dormant since I started taking that pill. I could now feel, be within my body and talk to it, understand it and now I was following my moon. After hearing other woman’s journey and lessons I also started to learn from a first nations elder. She is now my grandma. She taught me why things were a certain way. Why we can cherish our moon time instead of shaming it. Embrace it with open arms, feel into it and allow this time to be ours. Let others help us in this sacred time. Be creative, be open, rest and let us life givers have our time.

After going to sweats, going to different ceremonies and understanding these traditions a bit, I learnt that what works for one could or could not work for another. Essentially you have to talk to yourself and check in to see what is needed for you and only you. I took what resonated with me and left behind the stuff that didn’t.

I have awareness now like never before. My non-verbal skills are high, my power within me is high and I know when I am down or irritable or if a need is not being met. I ask myself “What need am I not giving to myself?”, and I wonder if others do the same. Do you ask yourself about your needs on a daily basis? Do you find yourself down or not living within your fullness?

Its simple to ask.

But hard to integrate.

Understand, close your eyes, touch your heart to your center, breath and answer.

Trust yourself, your intuition and your ability to give yourself what you need.

Love more, fear less.

Veronica B. Chase

(Photo credit: and yogacity)

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