Et·i·quette: the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. They are protocols, manners, accepted behavior, rules of conduct .
Let’s clarify, Lifestyle is a sex positive, open minded, kink, fetish, community, etc. Lots of definition’s out there, so pick and choose which one you want to resonate with. I have had lots of people who have never been in the lifestyle be curious and that’s where I have a conversation with them. I ask them what they are curious about, what they want out of it and what they are looking for? I also direct them towards my blog post “So your going to a sex club for the first time” post. Where they can read and check for themselves if that’s what they are looking for. Soon after I realized one thing, etiquette! O-M-G no one ever talked to me about this and its common sense for some but not for all. So here we are some common lifestyle Etiquette in order to help you ease your mind, get ready and have fun!
Have supplies. Such as condoms, lube, latex gloves, a towel/ something to clean up after and play things you would like, such as a flogger, a blindfold, dildo strap-on. Whatever you want to explore or think you want to play with bring in a bag, if not used a least you were prepared.
Have the talk. Yes, the “talk” that everyone loves. This chat is a very open discussion and can be as simple as “are you clean?” or “Does everyone know your test results?” or “when was the last time you were tested?” or “are we good down there to proceed or is there something I need to know?”. STD’s are something that can spread and must be talked about openly, I personally never had an experience where it was shammed on or the other person didn’t know. Get past the talk to ease the mind and that means more fun!
Be considerate. Ask what the other person might want to explore, don’t just hog all the play and be selfish, unless that was the intent. Remember there are other people involved and it’s a balancing act to make sure no one is left out. Receive and give.
Be respectful. Respect asking for touch, respect there no and respect everyone around. This means they do not have to explain why it’s a no, it just is, that’s it. Be non-judgmental period. It’s a community and treat it as such.
Never assume anything. Just because you came together doesn’t mean you have to have sex or play. Even in a big group never assume if they are sitting next to you that its open play time. Always ask, never assume. Assumptions make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u=you’ and ‘m=me’ I had one person start touching me on the orgy bed one night when I was just sitting there enjoying the energy, quickly I told them it was not okay with me and they did not ask for my permission to do any touch. They quickly realized, stopped and said sorry and assumed since we were part of a big group together it was okay. I replied, to the affect of it wasn’t and assuming is where things can get sticky and in trouble, its easier to ask and respectful, don’t assume anything, ask.
Watching. Watching is fine, as long as they are okay with it. Again, just ask, I have yet to have a couple tell me no, *crosses figures*. To ask just simply say “do you mind if we (or I) watch?” and go from there.
Door closed/ curtain closed. This means no entry and that’s it. They want their privacy and you shall allow that.
Check in constantly. Just because they said yes to your touch, doesn’t mean you can have sex or touch them elsewhere. Think of it as if you are going on a ride and you get to go one once allowed, once off you have to get allowed again. You can not just go on the ride again unless allowed to do so.
Keep checking in with each other, ask, and play on. If at any point it’s a no stop and ask what they would like or if they would like to stop for a drink, to smooth the transition over to fully stopping.
Orgies and moresomes. Talk before hand and never invite yourself in, unless invited. Ask to join. If it’s a no, you can always ask to watch, if that’s a no clearly, they want to be alone together. There is always a stigma that orgies are a free for all, HELL NO!! even if you know each other, this does not give you a right or consent. Anything other than a clear YES! Is a no.
Hydrate the fuck up! Make sure you hydrate, I mean it. Sometimes you really don’t get how sweaty, hot and mind-blown you really are, you forget until you get offered a drink and guzzle it down. Usually water is free at these event for a good reason, and sometimes have food as well to re-charge 😉. Make sure you know before hand to make sure you can get your hands on water at the very least.
After every session, Rinse. Once you are done a session, which could be just touch and no penetration, you should always wash out your mouth, clean yourself and then proceed. There are lots of juices moving around even if you use a condom or oral dam, usually there is mouth wash in the bathroom or bring a bottle with you in your bag (mini bottles can be purchased, travel size). You can spread STI’s/ STD’s so clean up after.
After care. Have alone time to be with your other if you just were in a scene with others, regroup and rest together. If alone, breath and take a breather as well. I always rotate from being play to dance, taking breaks in between. This is a good time to check-in with yourself or each other.
Cut your nails! Okay please, please trim your nails and clean your hands if you are going to touch me, play with pussy and so on. The worst is getting fingered and your lining getting scratched up, OWCH! Or at least for the woman file down the rough edges, much appreciated.
No phones. Absolutely no phones. All the clubs I have been too have this strict rule into place, for a good reason. JUST NO, if you can leave it in your locker or put tape over the cameras than that’s cool. How would you feel being vulnerable and half naked and someone brings there phone out? You don’t know what they are doing, you don’t know if their camera is taped and the best thing to do is to just leave it alone. Also, why would you look at your phone when so much more is happening right in front of you!
Lastly have fun and play safe XXX
Love more, Fear less.
Veronica Chase